The inner critic is a sub-personality within an individual that criticises and demeans his/her activities. Sometimes, it becomes so active that people feel depressed or consider inner critic as an invisible enemy. In reality, it is not. Dr M Kamruzzaman Mozumder, associate professor of clinical psychology at Dhaka University, explained inner critic in a conversation with the writer.
"Actually self-criticism is normal human behaviour. We praise ourselves sometimes and sometimes we criticise. And self-criticism can actually lend itself to personal growth and development." Even so, he warned, "inner critic can become a problem if it hampers us in doing our tasks -- in any way."
Najnin Sarker, lecturer at the Department of Psychology at Chittagong University, agrees: "Reiterating negative thoughts can-- if managed poorly-- morph into self-loathing and lead to depression or suicidal thoughts."
That is why it is necessary to find ways to better manage the inner critic.
Existence of a critic within
Chances are people get so used to hearing their own narrations that they have become oblivious to the messages they are sending themselves. It is tough to draw a line between the critic and the self. As a result, people accept much of the commentary as reality.
Najnin puts it this way, "When you constantly think about something, at one stage or another, you start believing those thoughts without even realising that those thoughts can be inaccurate or exaggerated." A crucial first move, therefore, is to recognise the inner critic's existence and learn to put some distance between yourself and the critic within.
In order to separate oneself from the inner critic, first of all, one has to try to listen to oneself without judging. For instance, it is a common thought- "I've made so many mistakes in my career. I'll never be successful." Psychologists say this sentence has to be rephrased as, "My inner critic thinks that I've made so many mistakes in my career and I'll never be successful." And finally, one has to remember that whatever the inner critic thinks is not always true. ?
Stop fighting your inner critic
Now that you have become aware of your critic, try to comprehend where it originated from. Most psychologists agree that the roots of self-critical attitudes can be traced back to childhood experiences. The negative thoughts people have about themselves are generally the result of the negative comments they receive predominantly from their parents, teachers, siblings, or even peers while growing up.
"No matter where our critic originated from, it actually attempts to serve us a purpose in a certain context. Put another way, our inner critic strives to communicate an attempted solution to a perceived problem," explains Dr Kamruzzaman. For example, whenever someone procrastinates work, the inner critic warns about a possible failure. In such situations, one has to listen to what his/her critic says.
So, even though the inner critic is screaming, denigrating, or rehearsing the meanest lines, in reality, it is trying to help one avoid failure, embarrassment, risk, danger, or rejection. Your critic's attempts can certainly make a problem worse sometimes. But understanding what purpose it's trying to serve, it is possible to make peace with it.
Make peace
When one starts understanding one’s inner critic, Dr Kamruzzaman suggests, one needs to pay attention and act accordingly. "If it's not useful, decline to follow the directives and do what should be done," he simplifies for the opposite scenario. It is important to note that making peace with inner critic does not necessarily mean agreeing with it.
For instance, people tend to repetitively think about a wrongdoing someone has done in front of them. It only makes one feel worse. Rather, one should distract oneself with another activity before those thoughts spiral out of control, if it is not possible to solve that actively.
Another very important thing to manage inner critic is to become optimistic. The critic might say something like- "You'll never be able to start your own business." In such a situation of self-doubt, one should consult with others to see things from a neutral point of view. Then, evaluating the evidence and converting an overly pessimistic thought to a more realistic one, is the right way. "I may not have started my business yet, but I've already started building a website for the future venture that takes me one step closer"-- this can be the answer to the above pessimistic thought.
Always remember that the antidote for self-criticism is self-compassion. And self-compassion is not proportional to how people treat themselves when they are at their best. It is how they pick themselves up when at their worst. And finally, discussing the situation with a supportive family member, friend, or colleague, when one is being afflicted and hounded by the inner critic is imperative.
As you practice these steps, keep in mind that change will not happen overnight. Patience and self-kindness are the keys here. But if one chronically feels overly critical of oneself, maybe it is a symptom of a diagnosable mental health condition. In that case, professional help is a must.
As Najnin concludes, "As professional psychologists, we offer counselling and therapy to help people manage their overactive inner critic. 'Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)' can be very useful in such cases, because it aims to take people back to their normal life by changing their core beliefs."
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